"Just Finish Already": How the Grey Area of Sexual Consent Highlights Inequalities Inherent in Heterosexual Pleasure

Abstract

This qualitative study examines young adults’ expectations and experiences of consent and pleasure which result in a grey area. Based on focus groups and one-on-one interviews with 18 to 25-year-old women and men, I explore various experiences of consensual sex ranging from clearly consensual and pleasurable, consensual yet mediocre experiences, and those which reflect a grey area of consent. Whereas best and simply mediocre sex are characterized by clear feelings of consent, the grey area involves sex that is felt as less than fully consensual but not quite as sexual assault. I apply theories of expectation states, compulsory heterosexuality, and sexual script theories to the findings of this research to argue that adherence to traditional gender norms of heterosexual behaviour lead to greater social importance given to men’s needs for sexual pleasure. These inequalities and expectations surrounding sexual behaviour lead to feeling constrained in one’s ability to negotiate and interpret feelings of desire and consent, resulting in a grey area.